NEWS HEADLINES
- Outlawed Comanchero bike gang rides into Melbourne for annual bake sale.
- Crown Casino struggles with drunken patrons. "Can't they just gamble away their life savings responsibly?"
- Obama comforts student that U.S. shock-jock Rush Limbaugh called a "slut", reassuring her if it's just the tip it doesn't count.

Adele
Never mind how I'll find someone like you....
'Cos I sewed a GPS into your shoe.......... 
like - comment - share - 1 year ago

choices

HAPPY ST. VENEREAL'S DAY!

Grampa was always a well of inspiration:

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try Rohypnol."

I've been succeeding a lot since then.

MISSED CONNECTIONS
Cinderella, where are you?
Red-headed damsel in distress, lost your shoe on the steps of Parliament House. I was one of the protesters pulling at your limbs and screaming “Racist!”, hazel eyes. Felt like we had a moment. Coffee?
Call 9428 3871, inbox #301

What do you get when you steal a shoe from a prime minister?

A hopping red kangascrewyouTonyAbbottkeepyourdamnmouthshut

Heaven Can Wait by ingrid elkner

Ingrid Elkner Peeps keep staring at me 'cos I have a MILF-moustache. What, like milk from a cow's titty on your lip is any less gross?
like - comment - share - 57 years old
 

   

FREE TO GOOD HOME: 1 x YELLOW WIGGLE
Used, moderate visible damage to confidence, may leak from the eyes.
Going for a song! Does not come with big red car, hot potatoes, or dignity.
Other Wiggles sold-out separately.
Call Dorothy on 9825 7361

Coming up tonight on Channel 10:

7.00   The Amazing Racist

8.00   Raising Pope

8.30   Dirty Dancing with the Stars

                           All programs rated un-PC

Entertainment to erotic asphyxiate to!

Things You Shouldn't Do on a Date - episode 1 by ingrid elkner

NEWS HEADLINES
- Beyonce gives birth to foam baby-bump
- Charlie Sheen denounces his 2011 behaviour as "crazy", strives to be a good father and return to his job of beating hookers
- Sacred ink: Justin Bieber gets Jesus tattoo on his calf, jiggles muscle to make Christ dance

Ingrid Elkner Every time I see a Lars Von Trier film I'm left thinking... 'That could have done with a fashion montage.'
like - comment - share - 14 minutes ago 

During the Christmas season, my Nan would often say:

"Every time a bell rings,
an angel gets genital warts.
And that stuff itches
like the Dickens."

Nanna didn't allow bells in her house.

Never forget the true meaning of Christmas: killing Pagans and stealing their holidays.

Merry Christmas!

Ingrid Elkner So the Holy Ghost just whispered in the Virgin Mary's ear and she was great with child? Did he have a penis tongue or sperm-breath or something?
2,011 years ago - comment - like

  by ingrid elkner

Ingrid Elkner I wonder if John Wayne Bobbitt's penis aches when it's about to rain. Especially when the rain is particularly... choppy?
18 years ago - comment - like

Nanna once said:

"I like it when an elderly gentleman flashes me in the park. It reminds me
I need to buy prunes."

Silly Nanna.

     hat types

WARNING: May cause side effects such as falsetto singing, looking like a creepy white woman, and wetting the bed. Dr. Conrad Murray's Sleep Aid is not suitable for people who want to live.

CRIMINAL by ingrid elkner

Ingrid Elkner I've just figured out what I need to have a million dollars..... And that's a million dollars.
43 minutes ago - comment - like

turkey slap

Woman seeks man

For friendship and more.
My hobbies include stripping
antique furniture, sexing
parrots, touching my pussy
with animal reiki, and wrapping my mouth around
a nice cold icypole on a summer’s day.
Need a man for long, hot nights of
putting up shelving, afternoons of wet
weather driving lessons, and looking at tits

and finches in my bird-watching book.
Must be up for unambiguous sexual intercourse.
Call 9915 4083 to leave a LoveMatch message.